How We Explain What’s Happening Matters

In psychology, we know that what we think affects how we feel and what we do. How we explain an event significantly influences how we experience that event, and what we do about it. Our “explanatory style” is predictive of many things, including our outlook, attitude, emotional response, and behavior. How we explain setbacks or challenges can dictate how we feel about those things and what actions we may or may not take to address them. It’s also a key driver of resilience. During the COVID-19 crisis, how we choose to explain what’s happening may affect how well we cope.

Think of explanatory style as spanning three “dimensions:” time, space, and you. Persistence (time) is how long we believe a bad situation will last. Pervasiveness (space) is how many areas of our life we believe it will affect. And Personalization (you) is how much you believe you had to do with it.

If you tell yourself that a bad situation will last “forever,” affect “everything,” and it’s “all my fault” (or “I could’ve done more to prevent it”) you will most likely feel immobilized and depressed. If you tell yourself that a bad situation will last “forever,” affect “everything,” and it’s “all YOUR fault” (or “You could’ve done more to prevent it”) you will most likely feel immobilized and angry.

However, if you tell yourself that a bad situation will last “for a while, but not forever,” affect “many things, but not everything,” and “it’s nobody’s fault — it just is, and now what are we going to do about it,” you will most likely feel mobilized and composed.

You get to choose how you think about any circumstance. Choice is a powerful tool for reclaiming a sense of control when facing a situation that feels disempowering and out of our control, like the current COVID-19 crisis.

Consider asking yourself:

1) How long do I expect this to last?

An answer like: “It could be awhile, but it won’t last forever,” is both accurate and helpful because it allows you to proceed without getting too overwhelmed.

For those facing permanent changes to their household situation, it may be helpful to consider limiting the scope of the impact.

Consider asking yourself:

2) How much of my/our life will be impacted by this?

An answer like: “This is terrible and it’s hard to imagine anything worse. But we will do our best to keep as many areas of our life the same and intact, for as long as we can.”

Finally, in any bad situation it’s natural to look for something (or someone) to blame, and it’s usually pretty easy to find. Most of the time, however, blame (including self-blame) only serves to fuel anger, frustration, despair, powerlessness, and guilt, and rarely does it inspire helpful or productive action. While anger may be justified, consider asking yourself whether it is useful. Does it help you develop a plan? Does it help you solve the problem? Usually the answer is no, and often it interferes with your ability to think clearly and proceed in ways that are in your (or your family’s) best interest. Consider finding a more balanced way of thinking.

For example:

3) Whose fault is it? An answer like: “I think it would make me feel better to know who is to blame, but sometimes it’s just not that clear, and there’s usually many factors to consider. I may not have caused this problem, but it’s my responsibility to deal with it in the best way I know how.”

Resilience is defined as our ability to handle adversity and predicts how quickly we “bounce back” after a challenge, even an extreme challenge like a global pandemic. Resilience requires us to believe in our ability to handle any situation, even if we’re not 100% sure how. Considering our “explanatory style” and the reasons we give for why it happened may help us mitigate the impact, manage negative emotions, make helpful decisions, and keep us moving forward.